Okay, it's time to fill that prescription. But the online pharmacy has changed names three times in the last two years, and you can't seem to logon. One of the three websites recognizes your login id but not your password, except the 'reset' link doesn't make it easy and just mail you a link- you've got to fill out some form- and that's doomed from the start. Nobody knows what your member id is supposed to be, there are like fifteen numbers on your insurance card. While trying the eight most likely candidates the account gets locked.So you go digging around the site for the phone number, and voilá, there's no phone number - ANYWHERE on the site, just the fill-out-this-page-and-we'll-call-you-never form. Hooray!
Google to the rescue. "INTERNATIONAL PHARMA CONGLOMERATE MEMBER SERVICES NUMBER" has fewer results than you'd imagine, and from there it's a scant twelve minutes reciting numbers, yeses and noes to voice recognition software. I'm not getting sucked back into unlocking the account again. Last time that phone call took just as long ultimately brought me back here- not worth it- because then you have to go back to the website.
Summary:
Phone call: yell refill, recite a long prescription number, yes, no, no, yes, ZIP code, confirm, yes, no, yes, no, no. Confirmation number. Eight minutes.
Website: logon. fail. logon. fail. logon. fail. [phone call] logon, click refill, confirm, lose hope that you'll have to do this all over again soon enough.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
safe to say, I hate you
I hate you more than usual today. I dreamed of you again last night… of your absence. You were out and I was just trying to sleep- all your other lovers kept moving around, getting out of bed, packing, moving out, moving in, unpacking, getting into bed. I next tried conversation but all the places I named were long since closed or no longer relevant. I got on my bike and rode home in the dark, in the rain. The cold air made my throat hurt so I woke up, closed the window, adjusted the blanket and did it all over again…
Saturday, June 08, 2013
Sandy, Andrew, Gloria... does anyone name droughts?
Reject the anthropomorphic act of naming storms, hurricanes, tsunami, or other atmospheric/oceanic phenomena. Bestowing a unique and personal name grants an identity. That identity then becomes target and focus of feelings caused by itself in all that experience it.
The circumstances of life on earth (bad storms) is a part of what it means to be here. However transforming nature into a person that cannot be outcast or brought to face justice, or any other social compensation creates an underlying metaphor of an unconquerable foe.
We can't get back at the weather, only bear it out, recover, and move on. I'm not saying that we shouldn't get upset about weather-related tragedy, but when we call it "Uncle Dave" we allow ourselves to wonder why Uncle Dave could be allowed to get away with all that, and we're left holding that emotional load of blame.
The circumstances of life on earth (bad storms) is a part of what it means to be here. However transforming nature into a person that cannot be outcast or brought to face justice, or any other social compensation creates an underlying metaphor of an unconquerable foe.
We can't get back at the weather, only bear it out, recover, and move on. I'm not saying that we shouldn't get upset about weather-related tragedy, but when we call it "Uncle Dave" we allow ourselves to wonder why Uncle Dave could be allowed to get away with all that, and we're left holding that emotional load of blame.
Monday, June 03, 2013
goofy
what makes a man slide headlong through a puddle- not more than an inch deep and three feet long- just to knock over an orange traffic cone?
what makes a completely different man run brazenly into speeding traffic without looking- but slow down and carefully climb over an 18" concrete divider?
maybe it's the heat. the natives are restless today!!
what makes a completely different man run brazenly into speeding traffic without looking- but slow down and carefully climb over an 18" concrete divider?
maybe it's the heat. the natives are restless today!!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
It's Tough Being You, But it's All About You Anyway
A short guide for commuting in New York City
On the bus: be sure to exit via the front door, so everyone knows how important you are. This is the most helpful when you're going the opposite direction the bus was.
When it comes to the subway, things get a bit more complicated, but there's plenty of time for fun:
Doors- stand directly in front of the doors and don't let anyone else on or off. Take offense at anyone who bumps into you or asks you to get out of the way. Board the train and stop right there. That's your spot; you'll be fined for moving out of it. Wouldn't want to miss your stop, but no need to rush. When the train arrives at your station, be sure to wait a full ten seconds before moving on or off.
All aboard- hump that pole, or just lean on it with your full body length. It's your friend! Put your feet on the seats, or just go ahead and lie down.
Delays- when announced, be sure to take it personally. Voice your complaints loudly because we all want to know your inner feelings. Accentuate the depth of your grief with teeth-sucking noises, or kicking/punching the walls/doors/windows/ceiling. It totally helps.
Out of service- Maybe it bypassed the station or wasn't going where you needed to; that's right, it was just to inconvenience you, so be sure to take it personally and yell 'fuck' out loud, over and over. Everyone else will empathize.
Eating- do it on the go, no sense wasting perfectly good commuting time. Have that full meal right on your lap, and be sure to litter food scraps and trash everywhere. Leave half your coffee in the cup right on the platform- no need to carry it ten feet to the nearest can. Wait for the doors to start closing, and chuck it through the gap. Throw the whole bag onto the tracks. What are those cleaning staff for? They'll get it.
Reading materials- do us a favor and leave your free newspaper too, someone else might want to read it. Better yet, look over someone else's while they're still reading it. That's a big time-saver. Hey look- someone left you theirs. That sucks- make sure you wad it up and toss it under the seat.
Be noticed, be safe- in fact talk twice as loudly as everyone else. Shout if you have to. Spitting and littering are always encouraged. Feet on the seats, on the poles, on the doors. Nobody else touches them, so why not? Sitting down, make sure your feet go all the way out into the aisle. Spread your knees as far apart as they go. Make sure we know you're a guy, because it makes our day go by faster.
No matter what, bring the kids- Show them how great it is to commute every day, but stop engaging them after the first five minutes but then ignore them completely; after all your phone is way cooler. Make sure you tell them to stand on the seats, and move around as much as possible. Ignore them, they'll shut up eventually. If they are young enough encourage a fit.
And remember folks, if the weather is wet, put that wet overcoat/hat/umbrella right on the seat. Wouldn't want anyone to step in a puddle!
All aboard- hump that pole, or just lean on it with your full body length. It's your friend! Put your feet on the seats, or just go ahead and lie down.
Delays- when announced, be sure to take it personally. Voice your complaints loudly because we all want to know your inner feelings. Accentuate the depth of your grief with teeth-sucking noises, or kicking/punching the walls/doors/windows/ceiling. It totally helps.
Out of service- Maybe it bypassed the station or wasn't going where you needed to; that's right, it was just to inconvenience you, so be sure to take it personally and yell 'fuck' out loud, over and over. Everyone else will empathize.
Eating- do it on the go, no sense wasting perfectly good commuting time. Have that full meal right on your lap, and be sure to litter food scraps and trash everywhere. Leave half your coffee in the cup right on the platform- no need to carry it ten feet to the nearest can. Wait for the doors to start closing, and chuck it through the gap. Throw the whole bag onto the tracks. What are those cleaning staff for? They'll get it.
Reading materials- do us a favor and leave your free newspaper too, someone else might want to read it. Better yet, look over someone else's while they're still reading it. That's a big time-saver. Hey look- someone left you theirs. That sucks- make sure you wad it up and toss it under the seat.
Be noticed, be safe- in fact talk twice as loudly as everyone else. Shout if you have to. Spitting and littering are always encouraged. Feet on the seats, on the poles, on the doors. Nobody else touches them, so why not? Sitting down, make sure your feet go all the way out into the aisle. Spread your knees as far apart as they go. Make sure we know you're a guy, because it makes our day go by faster.
No matter what, bring the kids- Show them how great it is to commute every day, but stop engaging them after the first five minutes but then ignore them completely; after all your phone is way cooler. Make sure you tell them to stand on the seats, and move around as much as possible. Ignore them, they'll shut up eventually. If they are young enough encourage a fit.
And remember folks, if the weather is wet, put that wet overcoat/hat/umbrella right on the seat. Wouldn't want anyone to step in a puddle!
Thanks for reading!
schedules, customer service
How many phone calls do you get that are just like this:
-Hi, New York Blood Center- can I help you?
Yes. I am calling to find out what happened to the scheduled drive over at the 13th precinct today. I was on your website two weeks ago and there was an event scheduled for today- April 11. When I walked over there I couldn't find anything. Now it's not even listed on the website.
-Okay, let me see. No, there's nothing scheduled on the website for the 13th precinct. Did you mean the 25th precinct?
No, I meant the 13th precinct. I was on your website two weeks ago, and saw there was an event in my area- so I wrote it in my calendar. Was it cancelled or rescheduled?
-I don't see anything on the website about the 13th precinct.
I agree it's not currently listed online. Please don't read me the website; I called to find out when it was rescheduled to, or if it was cancelled altogether.
-There's nothing on the website about the 13th precinct.
Why am I calling you if you're just going to read the internet to me? Okay thanks bye.
I don't always feel incredibly smart, but I wish I were happier about being just not that dumb.
-Hi, New York Blood Center- can I help you?
Yes. I am calling to find out what happened to the scheduled drive over at the 13th precinct today. I was on your website two weeks ago and there was an event scheduled for today- April 11. When I walked over there I couldn't find anything. Now it's not even listed on the website.
-Okay, let me see. No, there's nothing scheduled on the website for the 13th precinct. Did you mean the 25th precinct?
No, I meant the 13th precinct. I was on your website two weeks ago, and saw there was an event in my area- so I wrote it in my calendar. Was it cancelled or rescheduled?
-I don't see anything on the website about the 13th precinct.
I agree it's not currently listed online. Please don't read me the website; I called to find out when it was rescheduled to, or if it was cancelled altogether.
-There's nothing on the website about the 13th precinct.
Why am I calling you if you're just going to read the internet to me? Okay thanks bye.
I don't always feel incredibly smart, but I wish I were happier about being just not that dumb.
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Monday's Monday
Friday off? Paying for it today.
Some days it takes work to keep from freaking out.
Hey. Get over yourself. This is work. This is life.
Why make a big deal out of it? Just relax. Your troubles aren't special, just because they're yours. Who cares about the everyday problems people faced two hundred years ago? Yeah? So who's going to care about yours in 2200?
Chill.
Some days it takes work to keep from freaking out.
Hey. Get over yourself. This is work. This is life.
Why make a big deal out of it? Just relax. Your troubles aren't special, just because they're yours. Who cares about the everyday problems people faced two hundred years ago? Yeah? So who's going to care about yours in 2200?
Chill.
Monday, April 01, 2013
Dances with Horses
Taking the advice from a friend I read this article
www.nytimes.com/2013/03/25/
So then I was inspired to go yesterday- and I took this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
So then I was inspired to go yesterday- and I took this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
Saturday, March 09, 2013
Adventures in LockBusting
The lock on my mom's front door started acting weird a few days ago- the knob on the box (what's that thing called? A vertical deadlock (PDF)) just went loose. It still operated but was obviously on last legs. I went to the local maison d'hardware to fetch a replacement but was unable to install it properly- it wasn't an exact match with its predecessor, despite being the same make. The holes that line up with the strike plate weren't in exactly the same place, but moreover, the profile of the new mechanism made it impossible to install it flush against the door.
Anyway I found really glowing reviews of a locksmith online, and he was so good I actually joined yelp to add my own review:
He discovered the hole was drilled on an irregular angle (because the drills used on steel doors 40 years ago were just not that easy to manage). Therefore any new lock would not be flush against the door- and it wasn't anything I did. What that meant for the original mechanism-- was it odd, or filed down to make it work? Dunno. He drilled a straighter hole, moved the thing over about a half inch, and put it to rights. Since I don't have a drill that big, or experience with that kind of heavy labor, it was a huge relief to have a professional do it for me- fast, and expertly.
Anyway this guy was smart, friendly, and obviously passionate about his craft and helping people. I hope he's not retired when I next need a 'smith.
Anyway I found really glowing reviews of a locksmith online, and he was so good I actually joined yelp to add my own review:
He discovered the hole was drilled on an irregular angle (because the drills used on steel doors 40 years ago were just not that easy to manage). Therefore any new lock would not be flush against the door- and it wasn't anything I did. What that meant for the original mechanism-- was it odd, or filed down to make it work? Dunno. He drilled a straighter hole, moved the thing over about a half inch, and put it to rights. Since I don't have a drill that big, or experience with that kind of heavy labor, it was a huge relief to have a professional do it for me- fast, and expertly.
Anyway this guy was smart, friendly, and obviously passionate about his craft and helping people. I hope he's not retired when I next need a 'smith.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
You ARE the ride AND the mobile device
Some days feel like continuously falling, drifting, melting.
Mission: find a cozy niche in the maelstrom.
Sprite overload. too many objects to render on the screen at once and the processor's taking a hit.
Confused, uncomfortable, and out of control, the illusion is from confidence that "reality" could be anything otherwise; the ride will stop spinning and come to a halt; someone will come by and unbuckle the safety belt so you can stand, exit the windswept steel and plastic harness, the intestinal panic subsides as you bumble down the stairs and back out into the sun.
Mission: find a cozy niche in the maelstrom.
Sprite overload. too many objects to render on the screen at once and the processor's taking a hit.
Confused, uncomfortable, and out of control, the illusion is from confidence that "reality" could be anything otherwise; the ride will stop spinning and come to a halt; someone will come by and unbuckle the safety belt so you can stand, exit the windswept steel and plastic harness, the intestinal panic subsides as you bumble down the stairs and back out into the sun.
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