making a noise for the life of machines

I apologize for the misleading title.. it's nearly sarcastic. I'm trying not to take myself seriously, and I think after the last hour... I think a machine would do a much better job.

I think I mentioned recently that it feels like it's all I can do to just get to work (almost on time, most of the time) and the upkeep- I wish I could go out and party, see art, cultural events.. you know, the enriching-growing-learning existence we all hope for while still pursuing our dreams, whatever that happens to be this week.

Anyway this is really too much digression. The setup: Trying to listen to Tom Waits while doing the dishes on a calm sunday morning. I have an extra hour for the whole day!

I lean sideways to hear the music a little better but the ol' cat comes along to play with the dishes. I shoo him off and inadvertently knock the coffee grinder (one of those little pushbutton jams) right off the countertop. Ex-hacky-sack star that I am, I instinctively kick my left foot out to keep it from hitting the floor. Great. It hits my little pinky toe. I make that "shhhhh" noise from inhaling through grit teeth as I look down to see how bad it is. Ow, I sigh. Why the hell did I do that? I I'm still leaning over the sink, dishes, soap, etc. It's not too bad- took off the first layer of skin, about 1x2cm and there's some bleeding. Doesn't really hurt. I put down the dishes and head for the bathroom for the first aid.

I wash it off and realize it's bleeding quite a bit, so I head back to the kitchen for paper towels- I have to dry it a little, right? Except I don't wash all the soap off my feet and when I hit the bare wood my feet come out from under me and I go flying onto my back, knocking the wind out of me. This is just gettng better. Tom Waits is screaming about his sandwich assaulting his coffee and I'm lying on the floor in with blood and soap all over my feet and I can't breathe. I lie very still.

I make it back into the bathroom with paper towels to dress my foot. I use quite a bit of liquid bandage, and it stings like a bitch, doesn't stop bleeding. I'm doing this in the tub now, and of course I'm much more distracted by the shower curtain hitting me in the head, the cat incessantly bothering me, and how much blood can I actually get IN the bottle of liquid bandage? I turn around to grab some actual bandages because there's too much flow to get the LB to dry. I reach up to the top shelf for the snoopy band-aids and miss, falling again. This time I catch myself with my arms on the sink, just in time for the avalanche of all the stuff from my medicine cabinet's top two shelves to pelt me in the head, neck and shoulders.

I haven't cleaned up, I just wanted a place to sit for five minutes. I'll go do that now, I guess. I'm sure there are bloody paper towels, bandage parts, soapy and bloody floor.. what the hell was in my medicine cabinet.. q-tips, tweezers... some little bottles of some shit.

Recently I remember thinking I always look down when I walk. It's not from a bad attitude or posture... I just wanna see where my feet are going!
No wonder I avoid everyone else's drama like it's an airborne disease. It's fucking As The World Turns mixed with the Dick Van Dyke Show, all before noon in my fucking house.

"Downtown Train" comes on and I start thinking about how far I could get by train before I decide to turn around. Philly? Oak-Town? Bosnia?



--- more noise========

so my foot is still bleeding, four hours later. I'm running out of LB but I can't get out of here because I've been bleeding right through any bandaging, and I already ruined a nice thick pair of socks. It's really nice outside today too. perfect read-in-the-park or strolling day. ruined. I'm muscling through a bowl of slightly rotten split pea soup- I added a bunch of curry and cayenne to it so I wouldn't get totally disgusted.

tempus fugue

oops. where did the time go?

where did this post go?

I guess it wasn't for you.

SO funny

Sunday I was scared. I'd been reading about HN51 and I was concerned that it might at some point make the genetic leap to human compatibility. I was up late at a starbucks reading newspapers and I had nightmares (nightmares!) about terrorism, crime in the U.S., unemployment, war in Iraq, Human rights Violations in Isreal, cloning in korea, disease, brazillian rainforest deforestation, canadian deforestation, landslides in central america, earthquakes in pakistan, rita, wilma, alpha, omega...
Monday morning there's a chopper flying above my building.. it's there from 6am until I leave for work, ~8:30. was I paranoid? Worried?
naah.

Yeaah. Totally. I'm easy to scare though. I jump when my next door neighbor drops his toilet seat.

then my dad sends me this

I'm siiting here laughing. There's a link to a great daily show clip about bird_flu hysteria. So I'm thinking about what the guy is trying to tell me.. that I shouldn't be scared of HN51, that I have no chance of catching it or dying from it, and that it's really just some horrid government plot.

So I relax. I let go. I ease and settle. I send the clip to a couple close friends thinking, 'they'll get a laugh out of this clip'.


But then the clip ends and I keep reading. It talks about the government forcing me to take vaccines. It talks about the government as a self-interested party that lines its pockets with my tax money and is more poised to help itself via enriching/empowering large companies, pharmaceutical and otherwise- and how they're all out to get me. The writer of the site has a plan to save me but I have to follow his instructions for healthy living. Shall I click more?

I feel like I went from paranoid consumer to skeptical and realistically informed consumer, right back to paranoid consumer.

Moral? Stop watching after the funny clip.